A Few Chuckles

Smile ... I friend sent me a fw chuckles ...

• Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
• Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
• I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess' on it. So I said 'Implants?' She hit me.
• How come we choose from just two people to run for President and over fifty for Miss America ?
• I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
• When I was young we used to go 'skinny dipping,' now I just go 'chunky dunking.'
• Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
• Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl-Alt-Delete' and start all over?
• Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?
• Wouldn't you know it ... Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.
• Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?
• Bumper sticker of the year: "If you can read this, thank a teacher and, since it's in English, thank a soldier."
• And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.