Tears of the Heart

I did something I never really wanted to do but after some 6 1/2 years I have closed the doors of #Camelot. It was like shutting off a piece of your heart ... a dream interrupted. But it was getting so that no one could enter that world of fantasy without some pain. The muses were dying quickly and the irc chat was taking over in the form of costumed chatter. We were becoming tied up and consumed by the search for exacting correctness in our characters.

It became more important to argue the meaning of an action, fight over whether something could or could not have happened. Characters became shallow as they abided by the laws to avoid being scolded. Even the characters themselves changed as they found new role models in the flicker of the video world. They drew on demi-gods and brought them back so they could have the power they needed to get the upper hand. Raiders from the news worlds came at night stealing our people with promises of fun and equality.

I have searched trying to find that elusive line in the logs where it all went wrong. The experienced ones expected role play from the new ones that they didn't know how to do.

• The new ones wanted a style of role play the experienced ones knew not of.
• The experienced ones grew up and started in a world controlled by dice and miniatures and character sheets.
• The new ones were born of the video age .. the mega villians that required nearly god like heroes to defeat them.
  

<>The combination was headed for doom. Yes some experienced ones made the transistion and proceeded to continue the dream. Even a few new ones learned to tone down their characters to fit within the realm. But too many others sadly didn't see the light and fought it.
Did I find that line? No, but it helped to see some changes. I prided myself on a having the finest channel operators in all the world. But in the end, even they succumbed, some to power and others to their own ends, and then started their battles. I had thought that stuff had been forever buried in the old Dalnet world. I guess you can only stay on top so long before age, time, and success bring you back to the common world.

I saw people I loved and cared deeply for argue with me and others. That hurt because the falling of Camelot was personal now. Before we seemed to weather these times but now the lightening struck home. A book that I dearly love says, a house divided can not stand. At this point Camelot was becoming a deep pain. How do you stop pain that comes from within. Villians and enemies I can fight but when your own leaders are divided you seem so helpless. When the Citizens see this they hide to weather the storm out and those with ill will to Camelot spring forward to slay this Unicorn of Dreams.

Have I lost Camelot? No, for deep inside my heart is that misty place every good knight goes to do good and save mankind. To ride his white horse and whisk the beautiful damsel from harm. But for protection, I shove it deeper inside and like the magic of this medium, I turn the machine off and stop its madness.

Where do we go from here? I truly am at a lost. I hear both sides but I don't hear the committment. We talk, we plan, we make changes and in some cases we even compromise our beliefs to try and help. Where is it , who or what took it from us? I made a promise so many years ago to the man who started this dream in another universe (Dalnet) that I would defend it and protect it with my very life. Right now I feel I have failed and in some way through friendly fire I have hurt the place I so love to be. Now as a wounded lion, I do as I think I should and protect it the best I can though the actions are harsh. I turn the lights off, lock the doors, batten the windows and hide it in the midst of my heart till such time a sliver of warming light brings it to life. Until that day, all I hear are the bagpipes of the Scottish Highlands echo that call to the Clans for I am dead.